That Time Donald Trump Saved the Republican Party and Saved America from Hillary

Donald Trump does not want to give up his business, his lifestyle, who he is – but he’ll have to if he becomes president.  So, he doesn’t want to be president.  But he also doesn’t want to be a loser, like Mitt Romney.

I’ve been noodling over this for quite a while.  Last summer, I was sure he was just burnishing his brand and having fun, never expecting to do more than influence the race and take some credit for whatever happens.  They’re talking about immigration only because of me, that I can tell you!

Now, there’s some evidence that he never expected to get the nomination, never intended to.  John Fund wonders in National Review if Trump is purposefully or subconsciously sabotaging his campaign. My hang up was that I couldn’t imagine that Trump or his staff was politically savvy enough to have planned this out.  But they didn’t.  They are just winging it.

I mentioned that Trump hates to lose.  Everyone he doesn’t like gets the ultimate label of Trump disrespect.  Loser.  Listen to Trump explain his business failures.  They were all, really, smart exits by Trump.  I sold my interest to the bank and made a good deal for myself.

Every poll says he’d lose to Hillary Clinton.  Taken in isolation from the general election competition, Hillary Clinton is the least electable Democrat since George McGovern in ‘72.  Democrats know this, or they wouldn’t be keeping an actual, card-carrying, publicly confessed and proud 74 year old Socialist on life support. In their heart of hearts, they hope Trump is the nominee and Hillary gets indicted, so they can realize their Marxist dream.  Trump’s dumb about a lot of things, but he’s smart about knowing when he’s winning and when he’s losing.  That’s why he gets out just in time.

And just in time for Trump is a contested convention.  And the only way that happens is if he falls short of a majority of delegates.  If he quits the race, even while whining that the GOP treated him badly, he still loses.  Because that means “the establishment” or Reince Preibus or the editors of The National Review beat him. And a beaten candidate is a loser.

I don’t know that’s he’s trying to sabotage his campaign, but he clearly isn’t trying to win right now. It seems it’s nearly impossible for him to get the delegates he needs unless he destroys the competition in Wisconsin next week – but he’s trailing in the polls and even left the campaign trail to alienate women and pro-life voters.

So, here’s the plan today.  Not what he envisioned a year ago, but he figured he’d be out by now, doing the talk show circuit, critiquing the candidates from afar, explaining he was never in it to win.

Get to the convention with the most votes.  He’ll always call this a win.  But instead of whining about GOP bigshots handing him his ass, he instead plays Kingmaker.  I could have been the nominee if I wanted.  But I care about the country. The party needed unity, so that’s why I made the deal with Kasich. It’s a good deal.  A very very good deal. LyinTed could never get elected, so I made Kasich president.  Who would leave Mar-a-lago to live in a 200 year old run down mansion in Washington? A bad part of Washington too. Like a prison. I don’t want a prison.  I want to do a lot of things. Good things. Important things. With my business. Amazing business.

So, he gets there without the votes, makes Kasich the nominee on the first vote. Says he won the primaries, but he’s the biggest patriot there is, so I did this great thing.  Let’s find a consensus candidate I told em. Do what’s best for America.  I’m the biggest statesmen there is.  I can be very very statesman.  Believe me.  I coulda been president. But, Kasich’s good.  He’ll be amazing, very, very nice guy, let me tell you. That’s why I put him in there. And the GOP wins the White House thanks solely to Donald J. Trump.  You’re welcome.

Oh, and he always thought that one guy’d be great with a little more seasoning, so he puts lil Marco on the ticket.  Kasich/Rubio.  And Trump can go back to being The Donald, claiming all credit for getting his apprentices elected.

Now let me show you my plans for this tremendous, amazing new property.  Classy, elegant.  Melania loves it . . .